It's been more than 8.5 long years since i last visited my native village or my parents native village (as I'm born & brought up in Mumbai) in Kerala - Thiruvalla & Chenganoor. I had been there last in May 2003 - right after my BMS (Bachelors in Management Studies) VIth Sem (final) exams. When i look back now, i'm not sure why i haven't visit my dear ones there since so long inspite of my parents insistence . At one point of time, i had many reasons - MBA entrance exams, MBA exams, projects, summer placements, final placements, job hunting, new job etc etc...Today when i look back & introspect, i feel that they were mere excuses & not real reasons.
I didn't go to Kerala because i didn't really feel the need to bond with my grandparents, relatives, cousins & others. Not because i disliked them or hated the village but just because i was too busy doing things that i considered to be more important for me for eg: go for my higher studies, build a career, earn money, compete and prove myself to the world etc. I was busy in the rat race. Visiting Kerala & meeting my folks there didn't figure anywhere on my priority list. Days turned into months and months into years. I was busy with my life. Initially my folks used to enquire about my Kerala visit, eventually they were tired & stopped enquiring.
Once in a while i used to remember my grandparents, relatives etc in Kerala and thought of visiting them however i wasn't motivated enough because either i had no leaves (PL/EL), or i felt that folks there would enquire about my marriage for which i didn't have any answer and so i hated that question. I was of marriageable age by now but in no mood to settle down. I even secretly feared that they may force me to get married.
Then one fine day, my parents accomplished the herculean task of convincing me to settle down by finding Mr. Right (read Mr. J) for me. I got married. My wedding was in Gujarat and my very close relatives from Kerala attended my wedding. My folks there expected me to visit Kerala immediately after marriage which again didn't happen due to so called XYZ reason. The result : i didn't visit my native village for the next 3 years.
Now the big questions are?
- What did i gain by not visiting my native village in Kerala for such a long time? Nothing that i couldn't have gained if i had visited my folks there once in a while atleast for a few days.
- What did i lose - ( a lot - which i can never possibly express in a few words in this post/blog but i'll still try to pen down in words whatever i can)
- I lost the chance to meet my maternal grandparents in the final years of their life. They left for heavenly abode in my absence & I'll never see them again in this life. Nothing in this whole world can make up for this loss.
- Couldn't attend/ participate in any family events, wedding etc of my cousins that were held in Kerala.
- I'm a distant memory for some of my relatives out there. Lot many of new generation kids don't know me. Thanks to my parents, who visit Kerala at regular intervals, some of them know i exist.
- missed out on some fun moments, happiness, togetherness, experiences, bonding etc etc...
What is lost is lost forever. Life doesn't have a "rewind" button and so i move on, learning from mistakes & promising myself to concentrate on things that truly matter...
(I'm happy that finally i decided to visit my native village in Kerala this Christmas. Eagerly looking forward to this Kerala visit like never before. This time with my better half & little princess (Aaliya). Tickets are booked, bags are packed, just 2 more days to go...yippeee...)
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